How many of us still hear our parents voices in our heads particularly when we make a mistake or aren’t trying our best? When we were small, our parents knew everything, so they were right when we did something wrong and that stays with us forever. It is their tone of voice (harsh or cold, shouting or yelling in anger) those words are what we hear when we deal with ourselves. If I had a time machine and could go back to the beginning of my parenting role, I would be more aware of what I was saying and how I was saying it to my kids. I know that they hear my not so loving voice as an adult when they make mistakes, that is my biggest regret.
I shall post the whole article on Boulder Yoga Kids Facebook page but I want to just list the 5 phrases parents should NEVER use when talking to their children.
1. STOP CRYING RIGHT NOW!
2. YOU ARE WORTHLESS
3. BIG BOYS/GIRLS DON’T GET SCARED
4. I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!
5. YOU ARE NOT (PRETTY, SMART, ATHELETIC, GOOD) ENOUGH!
So parents, take a deep breath, walk away and come back. Talk with your child using a calm, kind and loving voice, be honest when they do something wrong because they are clueless about how to be in this world, you are their teacher. Teach/discuss with them a better, safer choice for the one they just made. Your voice is what they will be hearing for the rest of their lives, let it be a friendly, supportive inner voice that encourages them as they explore their life choices.
Please visit Boulder Yoga Kids Facebook page, I posted a good article on how to talk with your child about the killings in Las Vegas. It gives good suggestions for all age ranges. If you have any questions or need assistance on how to communicate with your child about this tragedy, don’t hesitate to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or call me at 303-588-4092